Jennifer Lynn

Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.

~Sylvia Plath

I keep thinking of things I want to blog about and then I realize I haven’t blogged ANYTHING in so long that I have too much to catch up on.  It has been a long few months for me…February was really tough and I’ve gained back a fair amount of weight.

What does that mean? It means I hate myself again. That I go to the closet and wear the same things over and over again because my cool clothes don’t really fit anymore. It is depressing,  I don’t like to look in the mirror anymore and I am embarrassed. I’m not Oprah-You can’t hide my weight gain from the people you are around.

But, I’ve been working on turning things around. I made the committment to ride the MS 150 this year. And even tho the months are wizzing by and it grows closer to that date-I’m still excited about it. Excited and intimidated. I have absolutely no idea how I am going to pull it off! Several books that I have read talk about your training regiment so I humbly submit to you that this fat girl is in training. hahahahahaha.

I have so many good things to report. I’m still spinning, I got a new bike, I’m in training, I restarted weight watchers with Mary and I’m riding in my first ride this coming weekend…all of them deserve their own post tho.

Here’s to catching you up!

Jen

“The only way we’re going to improve is if we actually go out and get better.”

~Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder Jason Bay

Did you know that tai chi is part of the martial arts world? No, really? Yes, indeed! It wasn’t developed for old people in the Palm Springs but rather as a form of protection for monks. As I’m typing this I realize that I haven’t verified any of this like a good librarian…

Ok, dudes I looked it up. There is a chart and everything!!!  So, the history of tai chi is complicated and fuzzy-going back thousands of years can do that for history. But, let’s just say its more than old people exercise and move on shall we?

Last week, I did a week trial membership at my mom’s fitness center. She has been paying but not going for at least a year now so I told her I would go and we could do things together. And, kudos to her, we did 2 spinning classes, the treadmill and an ever so brief trek onto the elliptical machine.  The last day of my week she wanted to go to the tai chi class that is offered on saturday mornings so we went to weight watchers (another place she has been avoiding) and then to tai chi.

I tend to get nervous going into new situations where I don’t know what to expect so I was a little uncertain as we waiting for the class to start. We waited in the room with one other guy for 5 minutes, 10 minutes etc… Just when I’m about to give up and go work out elsewhere this guy walks in. My first thought? Oh, Shit! We are in some serious trouble my mother and me!!!! He is clearly a martial artist. You know the look. Very fit, very present muscles coupled with a calm/could kick anybody’s ass demeanor. He greets us and wants to know how far we are in our forms.

Forms? Mom speaks first and says, ‘we’ve never done this before.’ Ah, nice mom. Let’s bolt before anyone says kung fu, ok? *sigh* It turned out to be an interesting hour. He is big on education and is also a physical therapist so he taught us a lot about tai chi and how the body works.  He kept apologizing but I love that stuff. The coolest part was that each movement that we learned he told us what it was originally. So, I wasn’t doing lotus dances on wind (yes I made that up) but rather this is how you slap your opponents in the face or block a kick. It was freakin’ awesome.

Maybe there is more ninja in me than just the secret parts.

I wanted to write about music again because I found an amazing quote about it that sums up what it is inside of me. I cannot work out without music. Well, I can, but I hate it. Without the music it just becomes a painful, boring activity. I notice that I’m sweating. I notice all the skinny girls in the room and start to obsess about the way i look. I notice what people are saying about other people and tend to just get pissed off. I need the beat. I need to feel the music wandering around inside of me to cheer me on, to tell me I’m worth it, to show me something beautiful and sexy while I’m recreating myself. That is the power that music has in my life. I know there are a lot of you that don’t get it, but there are just as many of you that do.

That life question that you ask yourself when you are counting your blessings-would I rather be blind or deaf? Logically, I say I’d rather be deaf so I can see and function better in this world. But, then I realize that taking the music away from me would take away what is left of my soul. Interesting no?

You know like when the music goes right over your head
And straight into that part of you which is most beautiful?
I mean when your mind can’t grasp the music’s math
And your heartbeat has no clue,
Your pilgrim soul follows the melody’s path
Looks back and says thank you for this fugue
And it just is and is and is and is so much
That whether you get it or not-it’s got.

I’ve told myself on several occasions that I talk too much about spinning on this blog. It has made a huge impact on my life and my fitness so who cares!? It’s my blog, I can talk about what I want to. Go Jen!

I started spinning back up last week after taking off a session (8 weeks). It came down to money and the lack of its presence in my life. I went a few times on Sheryl’s generosity but now, I am glad to say I am back on the saddle again. My butt hurts!! I told Sheryl I wanted to do 2 classes a week next session and she encouraged me to come do more this session so I am taking her up on it. I did class on Monday and again on Thursday. My legs are tired, my butt hurts when I sit on it but I feel incredibly good. Sweating that much and working so hard that *nothing* can get thru is really important right now. There are no distractions… When I came to class last week Sheryl got right beside me, but her arm on my back and said, “I’ve missed you.” I was honest and said, “I missed you too.” She cackled and said I wouldn’t for much longer. She was wrong! I may not be able to walk right after her class, but I am very glad to be back in there.

The only thing I don’t like still is the looks I get from new people. Fit people. People that look at me and can’t figure out how I am keeping up with them. Just focus on your bike missy-I’m sweating too much to worry about you.  If you have the energy to wonder about me, then increase your resistance.

Now, if they just had a spinning class that worked your tummy.