You might have noticed that I’ve added some new pictures on here and I want to explain why. In January, while I was on vacation, I went on a day trip to Roaring River State Park which isn’t too terribly far from where I live. It was a beautiful day and I realized that all the things I wanted to do and experience on vacation had not happened. It was turning cold the next day so this was my last chance.
It is hard sometimes venturing out on your own. Memories flood you and you would give anything to have someone, that someone, beside you chattering away about all your hopes and dreams. But, I’m learning that you go anyways and I did. Several new cds to listen to and a handy dandy map.
Being January the place was pretty empty minus a few die-hard fisherman and the beauty all around me was something to see. I stopped at several different places, walked along the river, sat on a big rock and thought about life and hiked my butt straight up an “Ozark mountain”. Spending hours with myself as company is nothing new. But, exploring and seeing nature at its best was and while I was thinking I made a promise to myself. At least once a month I am going to set out and explore someplace beautiful that I have never been. The places that have been on our list to see together, will become my places.
Once I came to that conclusion, I started taking pictures of myself. Eeeew. I hate that. I have tons of pictures at home of our many adventures but very few pictures of me. And I know why. Because it is a rare event for a fat person to look at a picture of themselves and see anything but how awful they look. When that happens, when you stop chronicling yourself in your own life-you lose you. I’m tired of losing me. I’m tired of being the one in the back that lets everyone else take the glory. I’m tired of being the one that is never loved enough. I can’t change this world, but I can change how I am in it. So, I started snapping pictures of myself and yes, I deleted several of them. But a funny thing happened along the way-I kept taking them and I kept looking at myself-really looking at myself-and then suddenly I saw more than just a fat chick. I saw me.
I’m writing this to say that I think that really seeing youself as you truly are is essential to this endeavor. I also gotta say that I know it is one of the hardest parts of this is to really look at yourself on a daily basis. Really, I think this has become my true new year’s resolution. I’m going to explore something beautiful at least once a month and I am going to take pictures of myself along the way.
Now…if I can just get a camera that works!
Jen
