Jennifer Lynn

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

~Mahatma Gandhi

I have had this quote in my calendar since the Fall of 2006. I move it from month to month as a reminder of the most important thing in my life.  To remind me of what has not been given to me and what I need to give to others, including myself.

Just in-case you were wondering, there are a few rules that will help you have a successful ‘Come to Jesus’ meeting with yourself. Now, I realize that we all have variations that make the experience our own so feel free to tweak as needed. This is what works for me.

1. The location must be intensely personal to you. Where you go is irrelevant to anyone else, it only has to matter to you. This is a place that you have struggled with, have celebrated in and is a part of who you are. This place for me is the South Creek Greenway.  Off a little country road that wanders around a creek and has a serene feel to it with some killer hills that used to make me cry.

2. You have to be somewhat uncomfortable. Most holy quests do require a certain amount of suffering, no? Mental suffering is not enough. For me, this usually means it is raining and cold.  It’s also good if you have to jump thru some hurdles. It was raining, chilly and I had to change my clothes in the car. 

2. You must be alone. The physical conditions of rain and cold generally take care of this situation. It is integral to the process to be alone with nothing to distract you from the mental journey you are having.

3. You must see something that has profound meaning to you. You aren’t looking for it, but it appears in front of you in a way that seems like a sign. It may make you cry, but it is significant. Let it be. For me, it was the hundreds of violets all around me. The first ones of the spring.

4. You experience a moment where you completely forget why you are there. This came to me as I was walking along the pathway next to the river. Across the river is a field that has previously only had pleasant but altogether ordinary cows. This day, there was 2 cars and pick-up truck with three men in kilts holding hands and dancing.  The only thing I could think was what the hell??!!

5. Last but not least, come to some kind of understanding or peace with what you are struggling with. For me, I was reminded of the process I’ve been working on for over a year and what it means to me as a person. I remembered that patience is courageous and most importantly patience and love is never, ever weak. 

I poke fun a little at this in my post, but it is a very serious one for me and I hope that comes thru too.  I was in a tough spot, wandering off the course I have set with food in reaction to the course set before me in my life that I don’t know how to survive. When well intentioned as well as cruel people are overwhelming me with what they want me to do, what their choices are that impact my life-I have to remember to step away from it and believe in who I have become.

Jen

I used to think that my limitations

Anything else is a gift.

~Karen Babcock

Somedays you think you have come a long way. Others, you feel like you have done nothing. Usually, that feeling comes for me when I’m hanging out next to teens. I know I did it when I was young, but it doesn’t make it feel any better NOW. I’m working on weeding books in Willard and I listen to the kids share fat jokes. The one that sticks in my mind. “Your mama’s so fat that when she stepped on the scale it said, to be continued. They all laughed. I chuckled a little and then realized I was standing right there and that I was in that category-at least to them. So, I froze for a few minutes and felt bad about myself. Bad Jen.

THEN! I had a redeeming moment. One guy was telling the girl beside him that she spelled Queer wrong. She spelled it Quier. She said, I spelled it right, but go ask XXX because he is one and he should know. This pissed me off. I paused while I considered how pissed that made me and how the fat joke just made me sad. Before I thought better of it, I turned around and said, he’s right-it is q u e e r and yes.

Now, I’m at work crazy folks. Does this make me nuts? Maybe. But, they just sat there for a minute and then she went coooooooool. <insert cool, not just fat tone>  

And that was that. 

Jen