Jennifer Lynn

I’m heading off to ww soon, but I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks now. I think it means that I’m still learning and growing with this and that makes me excited. There is nothing about me that is status quo. I spend most of my time working on the me I want to be-physically, mentally and emotionally. I want to be the person that many do not believe I will ever be. It’s not a game for me-it’s my life. My life. It is weird that I feel constantly changing and evaluating but it isn’t always seen that way. Why? I don’t have any answers to that-if I did, I’d be rich.

I’m rambling, sorry. Let me get to the good stuff or what I’ve come up with in my freaky little head now that is pretty damned obvious. I’m the queen of realizing the obvious. Ha ha!

I forgot about this post, but I want to keep writing about it. In my journey so far, I have been pretty set on losing weight. I’ve never doubted that I was going to lose the weight and I’ve never doubted (for the first time ever!) that this is a lifetime deal. It isn’t a thing to do until I like what I see in the mirror-it is truly for the rest of my natural life. 

But, what I haven’t done successfully in my head is believe that ’slow and steady wins the race.’  I’ve been disappointed with small loses, only happy with big loses and as a result, I have yo-yo’d badly. I’ll have a big loss and then my body freaks out and I go up and down the same 5 pounds or so until I recover from it. How stupid is that?

So, I set my goal for the end of the year and continued to yo and realized I’m tired of it! YES! I’m tired of something I’m doing that is stupid before it destroys everything. Since that moment I’ve been slowly fixing my yo. My goal each week is to lose 1-2 pounds but my ultimate goal is a loss every week. If it is a .2 loss then good for me. I’ve been really looking at what I eat and how I eat as well as my exercise routine.

Is it working? Yes. Since I had a little brain education with myself, I’ve lost every week at ww and I am in new territory with my weight loss. It isn’t the kind of weight loss that gets ooohs and ahhhs at ww but is the kind of weight loss that sticks around. Slow and steady does indeed win the race. Consistent, effective effort leads to success.

Go figure,

Jen 

Last Thursday, I attended my very first spinning class. I was nervous!! The class doesn’t start until 6:45 pm and I was done with WW at 5:30ish. (Lost 1.2 pounds, btw) I went right to the gym hoping that it would be open and I could get in on the back row. Number one rule of scared fat people-get in the back as fast as possible so no one can see your tush rumblin’ around until you figure things out.

As I walked up the stairs my stomach dropped as I realized that there was a “real” spinning class in there that started at 5:45pm. I read the schedule and yep, it is a full hour class. Oh no!!! What to do??? So, I walked. Not too fast, not too slow I walked two miles in the time I had to wait. I noticed a few people walking around starring longingly at the door and realized they were pos (people of size) wanting the back row too. !@#%!  At 6:40 I gave up all prentense and hung out by the door. I chatted with a few folks-an elderly couple that had done spinning in Colorado and liked it, a younger girl who did it for the first time with her sister last week and said it was awful and a few people that were clearly just using the opportunity to get on the bike-uber fit and carrying the shoe boxes for their special spinning shoes.  What is THAT all about?

Finally we get in and the class trying to leave has trouble. I find a bike I like in the back and get to work setting it up. The week before I had talked to the spinning lady and she threw me on the bike faster than you can say Bean Sprouts and showed me what to do. I am so proud of myself for knowing this stuff and get the bike set-only to be told it isn’t working. Panicked, I look back and see a bike in the very, very back and make a dash for it. I set it up too and get on the bike. Just getting on it-putting your foot in the cage is intimidating. I kept expecting something to break or the seat to whoosh down like it does on a regular bike-but nothing happened. I peddled leisurely while she set the new people and then the class started.

Lights off, fans on, music loud. I think I’m going to like this. She does a great job of explaining everything and making everyone feel comfortable. We started out basic and went from there. When she said change the resistance-I did and when she said stand-I did.  It was hard, but in a good way. You can control how hard it is by how hard you make the resistance. My favorite part was when you would do sprints-riding as fast as  you possibly can for like 30 seconds.

Bottom line-I loved it. I’m so excited I wasn’t intimidated enough to stay away and I know that I will be set for the paid “real” classes in November. My ass is going to look good!

When you’re fat it seems nothing is ever simple-it all has to be complicated. The Biggest Loser show is turning out to be one of those complicated things. I have seen so many different reactions to the program from people trying to lose weight or just those that are fat friendly. On one hand you have people that say it is an inspiration. On the other you have people who point out that it isn’t a realistic environment for most people (personal trainer, exercise for hours a day etc…) and that it sets people up for disappointment. Not to mention the crazy weight loss and the weight gain the contestants have when they go back home.

I say that you have to stronger then to let a TV show dictate your successes and failures.

To me, the show is a place to go where I can watch on national tv people that look like me. They are really flawed and have made bad decisions in their life-I relate to people that admit that freely more than anyone in the world. But, they made a choice and that choice was right for them. What I need to do is pick and chose what works for me from the show and let it be a part of who I am now.

I haven’t always been that way. I’ve watched this show every season sitting next to Ris on the couch, eating whatever I wanted. I would get excited about it and then give up when I realized NO WOMAN was like me on that show. They have never had a woman over 300 pounds! I would feel guilty about what I was doing to my body and I would feel shame-so I know where you come from saying the show leads to disappointment. I would try and I would fail-the whole time feeling like such a miserable loser that had let myself down once again and in turn, those that loved me.

 So, last night’s premiere was a pleasant surprise for me. I sat there next to Ris like so many other times and realized how much had changed in me. I watched as I saw 4 women who weighed more then I do at this moment!! A few of them almost at 300. I listened to their whining and excuses and was struck how much that was a part of who I was-but not now. I was even a lot jealous that the black team got Jillian!  Before, I would have been too scared to believe I can take what she dishes out.

Final verdict for Jen? The show is a motivator for me and I need all of those I can gather!

  Goals can be a good thing-they focus you on what you want to accomplish and give you that extra push when you are trying to decide if you really want to eat that 8 point!!! chocolate chip scone. Goals can also be a bad thing-they crush you when you realize you aren’t going to meet them and make you feel like a failure.

But, when you experience that failure you have two choices. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start working again or you can give up. I gave up for years and I don’t really recommend it. It is a domino effect-first you give up and then those that love you give up on you and it just keeps on trucking in a spiral of misery. Who in their right mind would give up? If that’s you, know I’m right there beside you understanding your confusion. But, you gotta stop!!

Where am I going with this? Good question. I set my weight loss goal to meet before January 1st. When I started this new path I told myself that I would lose 100 pounds in 2007.  As I sat in the meeting and calcuated everything out-I still have time. SO-I have 33 pounds to lose-that is about 2 pounds a week and I am confident-super confident-that I can do this!!

How? Another fabulous question. I’m really looking hard at this but my first response is simple. Food. I need to be more vigilant about what I eat. I go in extremes-I will eat hardly anything or I will splurge like a mad woman. I need to keep my splurges to once a week and I need to make sure that I am eating the right amount as well as the right kinds of foods each and every day. WW pays a lot of money to do a lot of research to determine your points and what you should be eating. I know they are a business, but I think they do a great job of figuring this stuff out.

Second, exercise. I exercise regularly but I can drop 4 days between going and not even blink. I’m setting a goal of 5-6 times a week and I’m going to try new things-change it up. I want to play harder too.

Alrighty! Here’s to me and here’s to my new goal. I WILL succeed.

~Jen