Jennifer Lynn

I am playing around with this neat ticker thing I found that will count down your weight loss or whatever else you want to count down in a picture format. oooooohhhhh. Anyways, I hope it works.

Can you believe that it is the middle of October? Wow!

Go bears!

No, I have nothing productive to report.

There is a scene in Sixteen Candles that no one remembers except Ris and me. At the very beginning on the bus, Joan Cusack, in full retainer regalia looks at Anthony Michael Hall and goes, errrrrr, yeah, uh huh. It is hysterical and only Ris can do a spot on impersonation. That is what I am saying in my mind right now.

This last week I went to a conference, courtesy of my employers in Washington D.C. I have been stressing about this conference for months. I did buy a second seat for myself so as not to face too much humiliation and problems that are associated with flying alone. I.E. Fat chick in the middle seat.

I’ve decided there is no such thing as humiliation free flying for fluffy folk. First plane is a small plane. Two seats on either side, not too many long. I am trying to be brave flying by myself and I ask the flight attendant as I am walking on for a seat belt extender. Some planes fit, some planes don’t and I wanted to be pro-active. She says, I quote “Oh dear, we don’t have seatbelt extenders on this plane. The best I can do is move you to the back seat.” What? What the holy hell will that do? Keep me from crushing the rest of the plane if we go nose down first? I smile and say, let me try it and see if it fits. I sit down, try it and it doesn’t fit. Am I about to give up the second seat I paid for to be wedged in the back? No fucking way. I smile again and tell her it fit fine and she leaves me alone. Let’s see-first plane ride no seat belt. I never realized just how much I appreciated that seat belt 30,000 feet up in the air. I pulled down the arm rest between the seat just so I would be wedged into something and felt a little more safe. I know that is silly.

The flight is full and all seats are taken except for the seat beside me. I have to deflect someone who tries to sit there and then as we are trying to leave the same flight attendant is at the door yelling that we have an empty seat and did they miss anyone? They are arguing about this for so long that I think I need to say something. At that moment they shut the doors and I and my seat are safe. The guy sitting across from me-whom I might add was reading a book on ethics while complaining about everything under the sun-calls me a liar for telling the lady who tried to sit in my seat that it was taken. I practiced my compassion and didn’t not smack him.

The whole trip I debated to myself what to do about the next plane. I don’t usually fly this airline and I was struck with the thought of what if none of the planes have seatbelt extenders? Should I ask? If I do, and they don’t, will they be more attentive then the little plane attendant? I decided not to risk it and pretended to have my seatbelt on. We finally land in D.C. and I am again grateful to be on land and not experiencing turbulence like we did on the last flight without a seatbelt.

On the way back home, I fretted more about it and decided to give it a shot. I was in the very back of the plane and I asked the flight attendants when I got to my seat. They were very curteous and funny as they got me the extender I needed. I was so happy to be strapped in. Then another dilemma-what to do about the little plane? Another hour long debate in my head about what to do? Ris had suggested that I should borrow the first one I get for the next plane so I wouldn’t have to ask. She suggested this thinking it would be easier if I didn’t have to ask twice. I was debating her idea because I was afraid I wouldn’t have a choice. In the end, when we were released to get up and get our luggage, I carefully wrapped up the seat belt extender, held onto it for a while and then let it fall into my bag. I lifted it from one plane to the next.

Are you ready for this? The little plane was designed for fat people. Well, ok, not officially, but the seat belts on one side of the plane were extremely long-I am talking someone who weighed 400 pounds could fit in them. I had no need for the seatbelt extender and was happily strapped in the whole flight.

Not my favorite way to be strapped in by any means, but I was relieved when it was all over.

Yes, I am now the proud owner of 1 seatbelt extender.

The other pain in the ass about flying fat is the two ticket thing. First you have to make sure you get both boarding passes. Then when you board the plane you have to make sure they scan both tickets so 1. you get the airline miles for it 2. they don’t give your seat to someone flying standbye. Out of the 4 times, two went without question, 1 was questioned on a small level and then I got a big hug because she was afraid she offended me. The 3rd one gave me the third degree about where was the second person. I just starred at her and pointed to my body. She finally let me thru. Geeez.

The moral of the story my friends is “don’t fly fat”. I vow to never fly like that again. Ugh.

Flyin’ fattie