Today I faced a big fear of mine and went to the doctor. Now, I have to say that I originally worked up the nerve to do this the beginning of January. I called the dr’s office and wanted to set up an appointment to get my numbers-blood pressure, cholesterol etc… I was told the earliest date was March 14th. I was confused and said, “I am not a new patient?” No luck. Unless I was dying I was going on March 14th. Well, I had dreams and goals of being a lot thinner when the date finally came around. I almost called and cancelled several times a day for the last week. I was NERVOUS!!
When I get in these binds I refer to my favorite metal figurine about big girls and their panties and just do it. Ahhhh, what fun. I have to say that it was fast. I was out of there in under an hour. I go in and weigh. I groan and take off my shoes-the pencil thin nurse kinda smirks at me. Official weigh in 323. I was pissed. I knew it would be different with clothes and a real scale, but a whole 8 pounds higher? The worst part is when she moved the big part to 250 and then moved the little part. Then she sighs and moves the big part to 300 and then moves the little parts with a final, perky, ha ha, 323.
So, then she asks me about the last time I saw my doctor-no clue. Do I want a pap smear? Hell no. Then she asks if I have gynocologist-sure I do. What’s your doctor’s name. Errrrr. So, I pulled out of my ass the name of the gyno that my mom has. She let it drop when she recognized the name. One demon per day quickly became my motto. She instructs me to undress except for my “panties” and put on one of THOSE hospital gowns. Yeah, that was fun. Hello, can I get something that is bigger than an XL?
So, I am standing up in my less than comfy hospital gown with my arse hanging out filling out all the paperwork they gave me to have on hand. In walks my doctor. Now, my doctor is also my mom’s doctor and my grandmother’s doctor. Larisa has even been to her a few times with conflicting reports. Nice sometimes, mean others. My big beef with her is that she had my grandmother declared incompetent without any test just because my doctor uncle asked her too. Well, that grandma doesn’t know what day it is and thinks Bush is a good president because he is so handsome and goes what war? is another issue. At least test the woman first. You’re a doctor, that’s what you do.
Doctor says “long time no see” . No kidding. What can we do for you? So, I explain that I have lost 15 pounds and I am on a mission to get healthy. She doesn’t ask how, she just asks if I want some drugs to help. Wellbutrin to curb the compulsion to eat and some other thing I don’t remember to help my insulin resistence. She has pen out and is ready to write as I assure her that I want to do this the natural way. No drugs. She drops her pen slightly like I have just ruined her day and she tells me that we will leave it open and if I need help all I have to do is call. What kind of crutch is that? Of course, now I am thinking about it and wonder if it would help. What kind of sick world is this that I am manipulated so easily.
Then, she asks me if I want her to do a pap smear. Uhhh, no. One demon per day I say chuckling. She then grills me about the gyno I list off and another doctor I had visited a few years ago. She wasn’t as easy as pencil nurse but I finally said, you know, I am facing this right now. I promise this is on my list.
Then she says “we should get some bloodwork” and I stutter, errrr, that’s why I thought I was here. She then asks me what I have eaten. Thanks to smart Ris, I have only eaten a banana and she gives the ok for bloodwork. Yeah. Then I get the breathe thing, blood pressure thing, breast exam thing and she tells me to get dressed.
I get dressed and am hanging out when the pencil nurse comes in with a tetanus shot. Yes, I agreed to this. She literally stabs the needle into my arm and I am very unhappy. Then, I get to go. yeah.
This clinic is so confusing that patients are kinda left to their own accord. I had to figure out where to go for the lab work and finally had my blood taken and had to pee in a cup. Do you know how hard that is to do?
I have high blood pressure but she isn’t worried about it. I was super nervous and they also didn’t use the fat people cuff. If you use a regular one it provide an inaccurate reading. My blood pressure is 140. I forget the lower number. Anyways, she said it would drop with weight loss. The rest of the numbers we will know soon.
It felt good to do something. I was starving when I got out and somehow had the strength to drive to work and eat my salad. I am still super hungry but feeling ok about it. I have applesauce and a nice dinner tonight.
So, I am still funked in that I am at 315 as of last Friday but I am also determined to change things. In a way, if I do get bad numbers back, it will be a catalyst to keep me focused.
Remember kids, only face one demon per day-it goes down just a little bit easier.
~Jen
